‘This is not what I wanted!’ (The true essence of love)

Have you ever met someone you think the person is not what you imagine he or she is? I had an unforgettable incident with someone I made a wrong judgment call and often strike my breast when it would come to my mind seeing him as the most selfish person I had ever met in my whole life.  (Me a culpa again!)    Yet deep within, I knew he was not that real sort of man, why because he was a mate of hubby.   [Pardon me, I do not want to blow my own trumpet but by nature my husband is a good man with a big heart.]   Because I believe in the premise that, tell me your friends and I tell you who you are,’ I was curious to discover why the brokenness that caused him to be such.    Perhaps, God assigned me to be the instrument that would help him unravel his goodness within.   Indeed everyone is gifted with the image and likeness of God.    As limited as we all are, we should be looking at the elements of good and bad within from time to time.  It was a big challenge for me even for my spouse as well.

So the time has come, we crossed path and had to be friend him even though he would not want anything to do with me; perhaps the key factor that would dramatically help change the course of his life.   At a welcome party, married couples along with other family circles were around.   Everybody was bubbly except him as I went along meeting all of them.   He was quiet and grumpy that evening yet I urged myself to go to him and introduced myself with the presumption perhaps he was jealous of me.   I asked him why he looked sad.   I reassured him nothing has changed as everything would still be normal.   He could come around any day he wished or when they would want to go out.   I felt that he did not like me from the first moment I was introduced to him, even though he is known as the best buddy among the three brother musketeers’ friends; he probably thought their friendship would have ended once we remarried.   Time proved him wrong as things was normal and even happier.   He would come and call the house anytime he liked and even had drinks on some evenings as the usual.  

The moment of reckoning came; he had a heart to heart talk with my husband expressing his desire to meet someone like me preferably marriage potential.    He realized how happy and contented his friend married to a Filipina and he wanted to give himself a second chance. I introduced a missionary from the Philippines who were a friend that came for a visit in the UK.   To cut the story short, this British guy got married to this friend of mine and the rest is history.    Life has significantly changed onwards.

‘This is not what I wanted,’ would be the epitaph of this friend when he dies.  Yes, he jokingly says would be his ultimate wish in case his life ticks up.   Indeed when you reflect in truth, the real happiness and fulfilment in any love relationship more so especially for husband and wife is this- love unconditionally or be unselfish and wish the best for the other half.   And now he is the ideal husband any woman could long for I tell you.   He is very loving and attentive to his significant other and a picture of contentment rests on him too.   To be specific, his choices are often geared on doing things that would make her spouse or anything beneficial including her circle of influence.  I believe this is the so called unconditional love that our Lord Jesus Christ is teaching us.   We all know that our Lord died on the cross as a ransom for all us saying in the words of the gospel [John 15:13- ‘Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.’]  

Finally, lest we forget that we get the satisfaction when we are able to give, without counting the cost.   But of course this can be balanced in life wherein give and take attitude should be the yardstick.  Ultimately do not forget that we have to leave something for ourselves too (self-respect is vital tool in any relationship!).  


Suggested Songs:   Love Song by Carpenters, You light up my life by Debbie Boone, and I will remember you by Amy Grant (This article was submitted for a radio program reflection moments w a Paulinian sister)


Cecilia Aguilar-Herbing

22 December 2012



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